#chip fork
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Rainbow Dash lies upon chips. With a traditional wooden chip fork just to the left.
In Chaddlewood, in Devon, England.
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dolly if ur blog was chocolate cake i would eat it (╹◡╹)
YES FEEL FREE TO EAT MY BLOG ( ´ ▽ ` ).。o♡ It’s definitely chocolate cake with pink frosting :D
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Once again reiterating that the familial conflict in jaykyle is not Jason's family being overprotective over him, but in that they all clearly prefer Kyle over Jason
#the entire batfam would trade Jason for one corn chip#overprotective batfam au where Jason introduces Kyle to his family and they're into it. way too into it.#jason: this is my boyfriend#kyle who has known every member of Jason's family for 10 years before he knew Jason: yup. that's me.#t#i do not mean any of this in an angst way btw. i want Jason to slowly go insane because he wanted Bruce to berate him for picking a lantern#as his boyfriend but Bruce is like weirdly invested in their relationship working out#jason throwing a fork at Bruce over the breakfast table: YOU WISH YOU ADOPTED HIM AND NOT ME
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Consider this alternative
#kiedeo#jrwi riptide#jrwi gillion#jrwi chip#the id is EXTRA brothers..#with id#but liek. why#gill would also wanna knife and fork eat him i think
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Hi this has been really helpful for me lately and it might be helpful for some of you too
I found a recipe that’s super disability and wallet friendly (and vegetarian and could easily be made vegan and gluten free with simple subs) (I’m sure it would be really good to add chicken or something in here too if you prefer that)
it’s literally so cheap, soooo filling, high in nutrients, and you don’t have to prep/chop a single thing (except to rinse a few things in a sieve) (it also says to preheat the veggie stock in a pot but I’m lazy and didn’t and it was the same as always) it’s literally dump and go
I use green enchilada sauce instead of red (personal preference) and add a can of chickpeas (more protein and a nice texture addition) and up the spices (again, personal preference) and it’s literally to die for highly recommend for budget friendly meal planning especially if you have dietary restrictions/low energy (also it keeps well as leftovers!)
#it’s rough out there rn folks we all need healthy easy cheap food#I cannot stress enough how much food it made for so little money I’m set for dayyys off a few canned goods and some quinoa#I’m disabled and it took almost no energy to make the worst of it was opening cans and standing at the sink to rinse the beans and quinoa#my fav is to use it as a dip with corn chips but it’s also just good with a fork#also I got a picky teenager to eat it with zero complaints#he literally floated out of his room like a cartoon character to a pie to be like ‘what are you making that smells good 👀’#I don’t think this boy has ever wanted to try quinoa or chickpeas in his life and he had 2 servings
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I'm definitely not sitting alone in my tiny basement apartment eating chocolate chips out of a bowl with a fork
That would be weird
#it's been a long week and it's not half over#this is the dessert i can manage rn lol#depression dessert?#i was making s coffee cake for mom (tomorrow is her birthday)#and it involved choco chips. and struesel#so i had the empty bowl and fork from making the streusel. and some leftover chocolate chips. this was the reasonable result#mod post#food
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smooches him before decking him
#i love rafe he reminds me of felix#also i'm still laughing because the game crashed right when nate crashed through a window so like the timing was beautiful#i didn't get as far as i had planned tonight but i made like the best cookies i swear so it worked out#it's basic choco chip ones but they're a little undercooked so they're like falling apart and i don't care i'll use a fork they're tasty
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you've heard of girl dinner but may I present to you non-binary goblin lunch, eaten frenetically at 2:45 pm in several sad courses while perching on the kitchen stool and never using the plate you got out
#girl dinner#goblin lunch#neurodivergent things#today's menu included#a handful of peanut butter pretzel things my roommate had put into a chip tube#a couple of bites of smoked salmon eaten directly out of the Tupperware with a fork#the last three kalamata olives in the enormous costco jar#a vegan babybel (yes those are real)#approximately 7 buffalo chicken chips#leftover Halloween candy#I'm a menace to society#but at least i remembered to eat between breakfast and dinner today
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pet peeve is fork and knife food served with finger foods. you really gotta use your fork and knife with greasy hands? damn you.
#when people make fun of me for eating my pizza with a knife and fork it's like???#or eating fries with a fork / chips with chopsticks#alright but at the end of this i'm not having greasy hands like y'all#who's the real loser here#like sorry i don't like having dirty hands#food tag#nana talks tag
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drop the cookie dough recipe 🔫
who are you .
#ok fine#two bowls#1 bowl pour one cup of all purpose flour microwave for a minute and a half but do it in 30s intervals and stirr between those intervals#2nd bowl pour half a cup of butter half a cup of brown sugar and 1/8th of granulated sugar . stirr with whisk#in my case i did it with a fork LMAO it also works but it's harder . stirr until you get a nice consistency and everything looks mixed in#add half teaspoon of salt and 3/4 of vanilla extract (that depends on how much you like vanilla. i think 3/4 is the perfect starting point)#mix together again#add your butter batter to the flour and mix for a bit then add 2 teaspoons of milk to help it mix better#if it doesnt mix well enough keep adding teaspoons of milk#mix until u get the dough . then add chocolate chips and mix again#voila#asknootfound
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My dinnar💯
#we have so many sets of chopsticks and so few forks and spoons so i often find myself eating ridiculous things with chopsticks#such as these cold leftover ihop chocolate chocolate chip pancakes.
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it's stupid to be this sad over a fucking chipped mug
#i went out to the kitchen to try and find it. it's a small chip and i have no idea where this happened or the circumstances.#this is dumb but i loved that mug.#it was a memory of all the times we went out to greenport and had a good time together#i picked it out iwth my own hands#i loved the color and the design and#now when we go all the mugs say 'north fork' which is a region instead of 'greenport' which is the town and i dont want a north fork mug.#i can't replace this#my reaction to this is disproportionate and i know it but i am practically heartbroken over this goddamn mug#blogging on my blog
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forks
#emptying the dishwasher and somehow jabbed a tine right under my fucking thumbnail like some kind of guy who isnt paying attention#this isnt the first time forks have caused me grief. i chipped my front tooth on a fork and ill never forgive them for that#semirelated the only note i remember taking in college about repository subversioning is 'fork a child'. like i have that written somewhere#no other context just that phrase. this was deep in my depression days ok. i had to find joy somewhere
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best brownies in the known universe (at least, according to my grandma)
some year and a half ago when i was getting ready to move out i combed through all the family recipes that lay lost to time and one of the ones that i found was my grandmas brownie recipe. idk where she got it from (nor can i ask cause she has dementia) and its a printed out email she sent to my mom in june 2000. but by george these the best brownies i have ever tasted. would she be pleased that i am sharing this recipe with my vast following? absolutely.
YOU WILL NEED:
5 tablespoons butter (unsalted) 1 ounce unsweetened baking chocolate (or as much as your heart desires) 2/3 cup unsweetened good cocoa powder 1 cup sugar (white) (superfine preferred, normal works fine) 1 cup sifted white flour (can use gluten free) 1/2 teaspoon baking powder as much cinnamon as your heart desires (your heart needs to desire at least some cinnamon. its essential to the recipe) 3 egg whites 1 egg splash of vanilla extract (again, non negotiable step!)
preheat your oven to 325 degrees. grease a square baking pan (9x9 preferably).
in a small saucepan over medium heat melt the butter and baking chocolate. while that is melting, sift together the flour, baking powder and cinnamon into a small bowl. once the butter and chocolate is done melting add the cocoa powder and cook it together for 1 minute. add in the sugar and stir. it will get very thick. this is correct.
set that aside to cool. while thats cooling take a large bowl and put in your egg whites, egg and vanilla. beat it up with preferably a whisk but you can use a fork if youre fresh out of whisks. once the chocolate is cool enough to not scramble your eggs dump it in the eggs and mix it together. add the flour in gradually and keep mixing until its smooth and happy.
spread into your greased baking pan. put it in the oven for EXACLTLY 18 MINUTES. very crucial step. they will come out slightly under done. that is what we want. as they cool they will continue to cook in the pan. we dont want them to get hard and sad. they are not good when they are hard and sad. do not overbake them. you will be sad.
slice them up and as the official last step on the original recipe says: EAT ENJOY AND MAKE MORE! (theyre very good with mint chocolate chip ice cream)
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Virgin Fucking Mary - M.R.



she told you she’s celibate, but she told me I can rail her shit
Theo had been your best friend since before either of you could properly walk, a bond that never wavered, even as you grew older and Hogwarts became your shared stomping ground. Your friendship was simple, easy—even if he did have a habit of oversharing details of his sex life that you could really, really do without.
You were sitting with Theo, Enzo, and Blaise at the Slytherin table, picking at your food while Theo recounted—far too enthusiastically, might you add—his latest escapade.
"Mate, I swear, I had her begging—"
"Merlin, Theo," you groaned, stabbing a piece of fruit with your fork. "Honestly, I don’t know why you put yourself in these positions when you know you're leading these girls on."
Theo just grinned, unbothered. “Can’t help it, darling. You know how they get when I—”
"You ever try talking to these girls first? Or is it straight to sticking your dicks down their throats?" Before you could roll your eyes, a presence dropped into the seat beside you. The scent of smoke and something inherently masculine curled around you, the unmistakable cologne of Mattheo Riddle invading your senses.
"What's this, then?" His voice was low, amused as he reached over, stealing a chip off your plate. "You giving Nott a lecture on morality, princess?"
You exhaled sharply through your nose, refusing to turn toward him. “Just asking if you whores ever have a conversation with a girl instead of thinking with your—” his hand reached over your plate once again, taking another chip.
"Now, where’s the fun in that?" he mused, popping it into his mouth.
You rolled your eyes, refusing to engage. "Of course you would say that, Riddle."
Theo let out a loud, amused groan, smacking the table. "Alright, alright, calm down, Thou Holy Virgin Mary"
You blinked. "Excuse me?"
Blaise shook his head, laughed under his breath. Enzo snorted into his drink.
But Mattheo—Mattheo—practically collapsed against the table, laughing so hard he nearly fell out of his seat. "No fucking way," he wheezed, pressing a hand to his chest as he recovered.
Your cheeks burned. The heat spread down your neck, prickling against your skin, but you refused to let it show.
"You lot are laughing at me," you huffed, tossing your fork onto your plate, "but at least I don’t have to worry about pushing a fucking kid out of me anytime soon."
Mattheo snorted, his amusement shifting into something more smug. "Yeah, okay, princess," he drawled, leaning into your space. His voice was low, teasing, but his eyes were sharp, glinting with something dark. "No wonder you’re so uptight. Explains why you’re such a bitch."
That pissed you off.
You turned to him slowly, eyes narrowing, expression carefully composed despite the way anger coiled hot in your gut. The others had already lost interest, falling back into their own conversations.
“Oh, I’ll have you know, Riddle,” you said, voice low, syrupy-sweet. “A girl can take matters into her own hands.”
Mattheo blinked. Just once.
You didn’t wait for a response. You stood smoothly, grabbing your book bag, and just for good measure, you leaned down just enough to let your lips ghost near his ear.
"You’d be surprised what I can do without a man."
And then? You walked away. Swaying your hips. Feeling his eyes burn into your back.
By the time you reached the door, you dared one last glance over your shoulder.
And there it was.
Mattheo, still seated, still staring, his expression caught somewhere between surprised and fuck, I’m turned on.
It was late, the library was completely empty with the exception of those in the moving portraits keeping you company. Most students had long since gone to bed, leaving only a dim glow of candlelight flickering between the shelves.
And you weren’t stupid. You had felt it.
The shift in the air. The way the back of your neck tingled. The weight of a stare burning between your shoulder blades.
You knew it was him.
Still, you pretended not to notice. You turned the page of your book, eyes trained on the words, until—
“Taking matters into your own hands, huh?”
His voice was low. Smooth. Dark with something predatory.
You didn’t jump. Didn’t react. Just hummed, dragging your gaze lazily up to where he stood.
Mattheo leaned against the bookshelf, arms crossed, dark curls falling into his eyes.
You raised a brow. “Something you need?”
His lips curved. “I think you know exactly what I need.”
A slow heat curled in your stomach. You tilted your head, feigning innocence. “What, Riddle? A book? Help with your homework?”
Your breath hitched as he stepped closer, caging you against the table. His hands found the wood, fingers curling against it as he leaned down—so close you could feel his breath against your cheek.
You refused to look up. Refused to acknowledge the warmth pooling low in your stomach.
But Mattheo? He knew.
“I’ve got a better idea,” he murmured.
His fingers brushed your thigh.
You swallowed hard. “And what’s that?”
Mattheo tilted his head, eyes flickering between yours and your mouth.
“You can show me,” he murmured. “How you take matters into your own hands.”
He saw the way your fingers twitched against the table. The way your lips parted just slightly, as if debating whether to let yourself fall or run. And, like the smug bastard he was, he waited.
“Nothing to say?” he mused, his breath brushing the side of your jaw. His fingers drummed against the wood, lazy, slow. “Funny. You had plenty to say at lunch.”
The heat between you was unbearable. His knee pressed between your legs, just enough to send a spike of need through you, but not enough to satisfy the ache building low in your stomach.
Mattheo saw.
Felt it.
And then—he pushed deeper.
“I bet you like it,” he murmured, dragging his nose along the curve of your jaw. “Being the good little princess. The one no one can touch. The one no one fucks.”
Your breath hitched.
“Bet you get yourself off thinking about it, don’t you?” His lips brushed just against your ear. “How desperate they’d be to ruin you?”
You clenched your teeth, refusing to give him the reaction he wanted.
He saw it anyway.
Felt the way your body betrayed you, thighs squeezing around the knee he’d wedged between them, the pulse of your breath, the heat rolling off you in waves.
Mattheo hummed, pleased.
Then, before you could react, his hand slid under your skirt.
You gasped. “Mattheo—”
But he wasn’t listening.
“I mean, let’s be honest, yeah?” His knuckles brushed the inside of your thigh. “A girl can take matters into her own hands, sure—but it’s not the same, is it?”
He leaned in, lips barely brushing your ear. dragging his fingers higher, pressing against the damp fabric of your underwear.
“Look at that,” he mused. "Virgin Mary isn’t so innocent after all."
Your fingers curled against the table. "I will kill you."
He just laughed, dark and low. "Yeah? You gonna do it with my fingers in your cunt, or after I fuck you stupid?"
Your brain short-circuited.
Mattheo used your stunned silence to his advantage, slipping his fingers beneath your underwear, dragging them through the slick pooling between your thighs.
"Fuck, Mattheo—"
He hums, watching your face, the way your lips part, the way your brows pull together in pleasure.
"You’re soaked," he smirks. "Thought you didn’t like me."
"I don’t like you," you pant, back arching as his fingers move faster, working you open, leaving you breathless.
He laughs. "Sure, princess."
He pulls his fingers out, and you whimper at the loss, at the emptiness. But then he’s undoing his belt, pushing his slacks down just enough, and your stomach tightens at the sight of him—thick, hard, leaking at the tip.
Mattheo catches your gaze, smirking. "You’re staring."
You roll your eyes, even as you hook your legs around his waist, pulling him closer. "Are you gonna talk all night, or are you gonna—fuck—"
Because he’s already sliding inside, pushing into you inch by inch, stretching you open in the most devastating way.
"Shit," he groans, hands gripping your thighs. "So fucking tight."
Your fingers dig into his shoulders, head falling back as he fills you completely. You feel everything—the way he pulses inside you, the way his breath stutters against your neck, the way he’s holding himself back, barely resisting the urge to ruin you.
"Mattheo," you whisper. "Deeper, please—"
Something in him snaps.
His grip tightens, and then he’s fucking you—hard, deep, brutal. Every thrust shoves you harder against the wall, knocking the breath from your lungs. You cling to him, nails raking down his back, thighs trembling.
"That what you want?" he rasps, snapping his hips forward, making you cry out. "You want me to fuck you deeper?"
You can’t answer. Can’t think. All you can do is take it, take him, let him fuck you so deep you swear you can feel him in your throat.
"Should’ve known," he mutters, biting down against your shoulder. "All that attitude—just a needy little slut underneath, huh?"
You whimper, gasping his name, digging your heels into his lower back, urging him closer, deeper.
Mattheo groans, pulling back just enough to look at you—your lips swollen, your pupils blown wide, your expression absolutely wrecked.
"Fuck," he mutters. "You look so good like this. Bet Theo would kill me if he knew."
You’re too far gone to care.
"Don’t stop," you plead, voice breaking.
He doesn’t.
He fucks you through it, fucks you until you’re falling apart around him, nails dragging down his spine, thighs squeezing tight around his waist as your orgasm rips through you.
"You feel that?" His voice was wrecked, panting, his forehead dropping against your shoulder as he buried himself inside you. "That’s what it’s like when a real man fucks you, sweetheart."
Mattheo groans at the feeling, his pace stuttering, his grip bruising. And then he’s spilling inside you, breathless and wrecked, pressing his forehead against yours as he cums, his thrusts erratic as they slowed.
You were still catching your breath, skirt bunched around your waist, Mattheo’s hands gripping your thighs with a possessive kind of desperation. As he finally pulled out, breath heavy against your ear. A satisfied smirk tugged at his lips as he leaned back, taking in the sight of you—disheveled, marked up, and absolutely wrecked beneath him.
His fingers brushed over your thigh before he whispered, “Was that your first?” His voice was dripping with smugness, already assuming he knew the answer. “Did you like it?”
You tilted your head up at him, amusement flickering in your eyes. Oh, Mattheo…
“Do you really think I’d lose my virginity to you?” you mused, voice laced with sweet mockery as you reached for your skirt, slipping it back on with slow, deliberate movements. You adjusted it, smoothing out the creases, completely unfazed by the way his expression darkened.
Mattheo’s smirk faltered. “What?”
His expression shifted—something sharp, something dark. "What the fuck does that mean?"
You grabbed your bag, slinging it over your shoulder with an easy smirk. "It means, sweetheart," you said, voice dripping with faux sympathy, "that you really should have a chat with Theo sometime."
His brows furrowed, confusion flickering before realization settled in like a slow-burning fire.
"Oh," you mused, tapping your chin like you were deep in thought. "You don’t know about him, do you? About how he doesn't really get the whole 'kiss and don’t tell' thing?"
You slung your bag over your shoulder, taking your time fixing your hair in the reflection of a nearby window. turning to face him, "I don’t kiss and tell—but unfortunately for you, Theo definitely does." you said sweetly.
His brows furrowed. "Theo—what the fuck are you talking about?"
You leaned in, just close enough that he could smell the faint hint of perfume on your skin, the remnants of whatever sin you two had just committed. "Ask him about me sometime," you murmured, a smirk playing at the edges of your lips. "I’m sure he’d love to share the details."
You turned to leave, but not before tossing one last dagger straight at his ego. “Oh, and Mattheo?” You glanced over your shoulder, giving him one last look-over. "Next time, try lasting longer."
Then you walked out, leaving him alone in the dim glow of the library—jaw tight, fists clenched, drowning in the bitter aftertaste of his own ego—because for once in his life, Mattheo Riddle wasn’t the one doing the ruining.
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a/n: slut me out
here’s part 2 for you whores
ᴅɪᴠɪᴅᴇʀ ᴄʀᴇᴅ: @ꜱᴛʀᴀɴɢᴇʀɢʀᴀᴘʜɪᴄꜱ
MASTERLIST
#mattheo riddle#mattheo smut#mattheo riddle x reader#mattheo x you#mattheoxreader#mattheo riddle x you#slytherin boys x reader#slytherin boys x you#slytherin boys#slytherin#mattheo x y/n#mattheodore#divider creds: cafekitsune#theodore nott
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how the fuck am I supposed to eat this
#that's a joke I'm using a fork#I got a bag of nuts that SAY they're salted#but they sure didn't taste like it#so I put honey and carob chips on them
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